Can I Feel Good Now…? By Catherine PANDAS

I felt a bit odd writing this on Monday after binging on Michelin Star food at Arbutus and booze a plenty for my final blast of 30th birthday celebrations, so I’ve been mentally tracking things as this week has ticked by, and now I’m ready to write.

I’m getting married on 12th December. I’ve come through PND, a big fat break up, meeting the love of my life, dealing with ongoing mental health problems to end up here, squeezing into my size 16 clothes and enormous black comfy pants. Oh dear. As each Monday drifts by in a haze of “I definitely deserve this bottle of wine after today!” and “Darling, let’s treat ourselves to an Indian..” the pressure is kind of mounting now. The fact is, I don’t want to look like the Michelin Man on the school run, let alone on our Big Day SO it’s time to “cut the fat”.

I got gym membership for Christmas, which has been used intermittently as my energy came and went like the moon but the last two weeks I’ve been hitting it up like nobody’s business. It’s a shocker, but actually I feel f**king fantastic! Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a bit of a porker but I’m starting to feel definition in my muscles and my head feels clear. Focused. I feel indestructible.

I’m doing quite a bit of running, after nonchalantly signing up to a half marathon a couple of months ago I’m guessing I should be getting the mileage in, increasing my stamina. This morning I ran a 5k without stopping and it really made me realise how much of a mental exercise physical exercise really is. I wanted to stop after about ten minutes, but I knew I had a bit more in me. The time went by, song after song (each one strategically chosen to make me feel kick arse..), and eventually I smacked the “Cool Down” button at 5K. GET IN.

I got home, necked a protein shake and made myself a ham and egg salad. This is only a little example of what my life’s been like recently, but I’ve found my anxiety levels are lower, I’ve had more energy and patience with my daughter (even regular partaking in her role play games, “Arrr, here I am, Cap’n Mummy!”) My self esteem feels like it’s improved, I’m enjoying my life and excited about the progress I’m making.

If you haven’t already embarked on a healthy regime, I would definitely recommend it. I know it takes effort and time, but actually, for all we’ve endured already, I’m pretty sure it’s about time we gave something back to ourselves.


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